Kamakazi Cats

I am not a cat behaviorist.  But I can tell you a lot about cat behavior.  Bad behavior that is!  And I have two very innocent-looking cats that are pretending not to notice when one very stupid kitten is coming precariously close to using one of her nine lives each day by walking along a very high railing in our home each day and attacking...wait for it...THE SUN!  Yes, our little Pepper thinks she is SUPERFLY and that she has cosmic powers and will use her amazing death claws to capture sunlight in her paws while she balances herself on her two back legs (these are starting to resemble ham hocks) on a second story rail in our dramatic foyer.   I cringe every day when I look up and see her shadow moving along in what she considers stealth, and I consider upcoming tragedy.  I think the other cats are silently giggling because when I approach her to put her down, they are always nearby sitting innocently on the floor, safely egging her on with tiny chirps of encouragement.  "Sure, Pepper!  That light sure is moving quickly along the wall!! Don't let it get away from you!!"  And when I pick her up and look at them with reproach, there is no shame on their elder faces.  They are innocent bystanders pretending to lick their privates as any natural witness to a crime would do.  What's a Mama Cat to do??

Take a gander at this home video shot this morning....Pepper on a Railing

Is she not the stupidest cat?  Maybe I should just throw her down and get it over with!?  Let me tell you why this is such a disturbing activity.  Do you see the bad cat at the foot of the stairs?  Tigger?  The CROSS-EYED cat?  He didn't always have cross-eyes!  (just kidding--he did)  Actually, Tigger was about the same age when he discovered the power of leaping onto the surface of the very same railing and with overconfidence leaped OVER the railing and landed DIRECTLY onto the wood foyer below.  What a thump that made!  And when he landed, it was a thump that could be heard round the block.  He looked so shocked that I think he wasn't sure he survived the fall.  He did land on his paws, although I'm sure they stung quite a bit because after about a five-second delay, he looked at me and I looked at him and he disappeared like a cartoon with legs flailing in all directions, not quite sure what direction they were supposed to move in.  I don't think we saw him for hours after that and he didn't jump onto counters or anything higher than a coffee table after that incident.  The boom that it made after he crash-landed like that was so loud, I actually remember looking to see if there was a crater in my foyer.  Poor kitty.

I know the science is that cats always "land on their feet" blah blah blah.  But I know you have laughed at as many cat videos as I have when they misread their distance or get startled or a baby approaches and things just don't go right.  Cats are fallible.  And it's hilarious when they fall and then try to walk away as if they meant to land on their faces like that.  Especially when it's in a fish tank.  That's my personal favorite.  But when it comes to my little poopsies personal safety and the threat of a ridiculous and unnecessary veterinary trip...I say forget it.  No fall is that funny.

But Pepper is reckless and innocent and remarkably stupid.  So I'm taking wagers today on how soon Toonsis and Tigger will have their way with Pepper and get her to fall off the rail, and I'm not going to baby-proof the house with a trampoline in the foyer, but let's just see how this ends.  Maybe I should have a kitty-cam attached to Pepper's head so that we can all see how it looks when she takes her first flight?  She's dumb enough as it is so I'm praying she doesn't get further brain damage.  I don't want to add any more videos to this particular genre but I will add some of my favorites of OTHER CATS.  Now, if you will excuse me I have some pillows to throw down on the floor.

My favorite cat falling videos for your viewing pleasure:
Cat Falling in Fish Tank
Cat Falling Over Baby Gate
Kitten Pushes Another Kitten Down Ladder