When I was packing my 14 year old up this morning for her band competition at Hershey Park, I was imagining her day ahead--filled with sunshine and junk food, long lines, humidity, alternating total boredom surrounded by five minutes of madness. Good times. If you are not familiar with Hershey Park, PA this is a golden shining place with roller coasters and screaming people with liquid courage who spew that courage at high speeds and high places.
"Dude! Your face was sooo green! HAHAHA!" And I need to mention the high point of the day is the tour of the Hershey Chocolate Factory where she can see the history of how chocolate is made, and all the tours empty into the majesty of the MOTHER OF ALL CHOCOLATE STORES. I guarantee this semi-supervised child of mine will come home with a tummy ache, or some leftover piece of solid chocolate that looks more like brown sugar lava due to the body heat and crushing blows of the rides she will endure (or shall I say self-inflict?) throughout the day. Better have the Pepto-Bismol ready for our happy reunion tonight.
Of course you know where this is headed...wouldn't it be GRAND if there was an amusement park for CATS?? Maybe a place where we could take them for the day rather than a boarding kennel? I can name some of the wonderful rides and attractions that would be suitable for such an endeavor:
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| The Tilt-A-Hurl |
1: The TILT-A-HURL. Everyone knows this kitty ride. Why not just gather up all of your cats with inner-ear or gastric issues and let them bond on this contraption where they can gag and barf and do all their wretching in one place? There will be an attendant with his/her mop at the ready and their Nature's Miracle
™ to make it all fresh for the next batch of guests.
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| The CAT-a-PULT |
2: The CAT-a-PULT: Does your cat seem to be able to defy gravity? Let's find out for sure by strapping them into a device that shotputs them into space. Waivers must be signed at the front of the park. No declawed cats will be permitted.
3. Mouse Hunt: It's like the hall of mirrors, but there are no mirrors. And no halls. Just an unfinished factory with mice. One mouse per cat.
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| MOUSE HUNT |
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| The Witch's Friend |
4. Witch's Friend: The black cat special! Have your cat's picture taken with a menopausal reality show celebrity!! You have your selection from a variety of guests depending on the desperation of the housewife of the season.
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| THE INCREDIBLE BULK |
5. The INCREDIBLE BULK: Like the Incredible Hulk, this cat gets ugly when he's mad...so you can ride this bad boy if you dare! It's an enormous roller coaster meant to give the illusion of speed, but because it's actually a simulated geriatric cat who got his tail caught in a screen door, it might not be that fast, just random. Every ride is unique.
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| ?!?!?!?!? |
6. The BALLOON RIDE: What park would be complete without a ride that drops you to earth without a safety net? We have this for you...Have you ever seen a cat get partly stuck in a plastic grocery bag and then not understand what it's being attacked by? This is the concept--Your cat will be gently guided into a bag and then released into a large showroom of dining room tables and stairways and ramps. What fun!!
These are just ideas off the top of my head. I can assure you I have thousands more. I haven't even begun to list the snack ideas and entertainers. What do you think? Could we make any money?
