Smelly Fingers

Finger-sniffing.  Let's admit it. We all do it.  What I'm referring to is the royal ritual we must engage in to approach your standoffish feline at the moment of introduction. 

"David, this is Mr. Pringles.  Mr Pringles, this is HISS hiss hisssssss!" 

What just happened here?  You guessed it.  Your friend David either just had a new smile carved onto his face by Mr. Pringles or shreds of cat fur went spinning in the air as kitty spun in a frantic and neurotic attempt to escape the questionable intentions of David.  And why??  Because David, what a PUTZ, didn't know about the FINGER SNIFF!!  Literally everyone who knows and worships their cats realizes you NEVER approach a cat hands up as if you have the nerve to TOUCH them first...you must let them sniff your fingers, preferably the back of your hand, as if to say, "Yes, I am not worthy to touch you but I would like to become acquainted with your human."

You probably wonder how did this evolutionary chain of events occur?  Why all the fuss over a simple greeting?  Let's imagine the probable first meeting of the very first human and cat who ever domesticated each other.

HUMAN CHILD:  Look! Oh Egyptian mother!  I see an exotic lion cub licking itself on the sand.  May I touch it?
HUMAN MOTHER:  (warily eyeballing this mutant creature but weighing her options)  Of course you may!  Just make sure you don't smell like breakfast or else it might want to eat you!
HUMAN TEENAGER:  HAHAHA you ate crocodile for breakfast!  I hope it bites your fingers off!
HUMAN CHILD:  waaaaahhhhhhh!
HUMAN MOTHER:  Now look what you've done!  Little Tootsandpheromones is crying!!
HUMAN TEENAGER:  I'LL do it....just look.  If I walk very slowly...hey!  It likes me...it wants to smell my hand.  Can we keep it?

(hours later...)

HUMAN CHILD: Egyptian Mommy!  Look what we did to the pretty little lion!  We put eye makeup on it and it's sitting on Daddy's throne.  Now Daddy is afraid to touch it because it hisses like a snake!  Isn't that funny??
HUMAN MOTHER:  Did you tell your father to let it sniff his fingers?
HUMAN CHILD:......

So you can see as I have so very accurately and historically put things into perspective, 1) cats like to wear eye makeup and sit on thrones, and 2) they won't eat you if you let them sniff your fingers.

Still not convinced?  OK.  When is the last time you were able to touch YOUR OWN CAT without showing it you had nothing in your hands first?  Don't you ever feel as if your cat may be working for some type of security detail because of the lack of trust it shows in your open palms?  I cannot just pat my cats on the head without them jerking away and looking at me as if I didn't bring my permission slip first.  It doesn't apply if the cat is already sitting on you--in this case the animal has already deemed you worthy of holding its bottom, so the head is no big deal.  But just go ahead and approach a cat head-to-head and make eye contact and just wait and see what happens.  Either the cat will bail out and run away from the discomfort of the intimate stare, it will approach you with interest but still duck when that hand comes palm first, OR it will look at you disdainfully and wait for you to approach it.  In which case you still have to let the kitty sniff you.

I'd be very interested to know if I'm the only one who has such skeptical kitties and perhaps they all think I'm a serial cheater. They imagine every time I leave the house I'm going off to be with other cats.  "She's back?  Sniff her hands to make sure she doesn't smell like some strange pussycat.  She okay?  Stand down."  I get to live another day and no one eats my toes while I sleep.

You have won a scratch behind my ears!

Daily Affirmations

Who can resist a kitten?

(This blog is dedicated to my peeps on the farm--you all rock!)

I am going to start this blog with a confession:  I am a drama queen.  My family knows this and they probably share many eye-rolls at my expense, but that's okay.  I am passing down my genes to my kids and have made sure to curse both daughters with this gene as well and so far things are going on schedule so la-dee-da.  "You'll get yours for making fun of me when you have kids.  Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!"  Part of my weakness is that I need lots of attention and positive strokes for my meager accomplishments so this is why I have cats.  You don't understand the connection?  Let me explain.

Toonsis...the sweet puddy-tat

My cats are kind of silly.  They aren't all that smart or special in the sense that they belong on America's Got Talent, but I think they have skills.  I am a happy housewife.  I used to have a very lucrative career but retired some time ago when my health problems became a bit overwhelming and getting out of bed became an issue.  This is where cats are an asset.  They make great foot warmers as well as back rests and nap buddies.  Cats never make me feel guilty for not getting up to do dishes or laundry, and I think when there's competitive sleeping involved I can ALMOST win.  They are good pets if you don't require a lot of energy for feeding or playing or walking or being catatonic.  In fact, if you aren't allergic to cats, they are THE BEST pets in my opinion, especially if you are disabled or elderly because they are pretty lazy and won't require you to do much of anything except uploading "adorable" videos to YouTube and becoming eccentric and estranged from your family during reunions when you wear sweaters you find at flea markets.  When they are kittens they can be a handful, but it's very temporary and awfully fun to name them after people you know and then invite those people over.   Cats are practically born housebroken and natural neatnicks so you won't have a smelly pet unless you have a problem scooping litter.  Or you hoard cats.  Please don't hoard cats.

Watching at the door

Now, for the attention that I need...I am often alone at home while my loved ones pursue their busy lives (which is how it should be) and I really enjoy my solitude.  However, while mommy has the duty of encouraging the kids and being there for my darling hubby to come home to, there is that tiny voice inside me named Self-Doubt that won't shut up no matter how many wonderful things I do for others or how often I buy myself chocolate.  I have my limits because I spend a fair amount of time in doctor appointments and this has been the worst year so far with hospital "procedures," but I long to do something worthwhile and leave my legacy like anyone else.  I'm not sure how other mothers do it, I juggle lots of projects and the typical duties of a stay-home mom are numerous and seldom noticed by those who are at the receiving end of those activities.  But the struggle is to not complain about my role and count my blessings at the same time.  So I look at my precious felines and smile because they represent little pieces of serenity that walk around talking to me and thanking me for every little thing I do.

My lovable Tigger

When I feed them in the morning, they meow and wind their little bodies around me anxiously until they have their bowls filled.  They know the drill and I'm happy to see them each morning waiting for me at the top of the stairs where they greet me with chirps and happy tails.  When it's naptime, Tigger reminds me how tired I really am and accompanies me to my room where he curls his body into me and spoons me into sweet healing slumber.  When the weather is fair, they all sit on the porch and stare excitedly at the birds and entertain me with their dilated pupils and wild scampering from one side to the other.  And when I come home from wherever, they come out from under the couch or the bed or whatever cuddly corner they were in and sleepily yawn at me as if to say, "Yo, familiar-smelling big bald cat!  Glad you're here.  Where's our tender vittles?" 

Toonsis attempting to prevent a housebreak

This doesn't sound like much, but for me these are my daily affirmations.  My little furry dependents.  Anyone who loves their cats can tell you that owning one and loving one are two different things and when you love a cat definitely they love you back.