The Wild Hair

You spooked me!!

Ready for action!

The Flying Squirrel

We have an expression in our home for our cats when they start galloping around the house like horses with their tails in the air and their eyes all wild and haunted as if they are being chased by demons.  We say they have a "burr up their butt" which isn't a very delicate expression, but obviously there is something wrong with these animals because they are wildly running amok as if something just bit them as they tear along the wood floors uselessly like cartoon characters trying to get traction.   There is usually just a few reasons for the panic:  1)  The cat has just left a 20% deposit of their body weight in the litter box and is trying to escape the odor before they could take the blame, 2) it is being chased by the hounds of hell, OR 3) it is practicing kitty parkour.  How else can you explain the cat in front of me who thinks she can hold up a door frame, staring at the ceiling with her ears back and wide eyes jumping up and down and then scurrying away making squirrel noises? Most often it's the 20% deposit, and the "burr" is no longer in the cat's butt, if you will.  Personally, if I lost that much weight every time I visited the bathroom I probably would run around with a little more zip in my step too.  When I go to clean up after these furry bums, I am quite impressed with their intestinal prowess. However, we all know that cats have very inflated egos so if they could see how uncool all this weird sprinting looked, they would calm down and stroll around and leave whatever crime scene they just created with much more dignity.  If you ask me, this act is the human equivalent of running around with a piece of toilet paper stuck to their shoe or their skirt tucked into their waistband.  That's embarrassing. We all know what's just happened.  Better to be proud and walk around with some pride after that achievement if you ask me.  It reminds me of that one guy in the office who walks around with the newspaper tucked under his arm and announces where he's going with no shame.  The worst part for me is that this cat is like a red flag galloping around my house alarming me that there is a ticking time bomb in my home.  I guess the only consolation is it's better than not knowing about it, right?  Whip out the Febreeze and try not to gag.

Occasionally, our younger cats will chase each other around the house and dart around playing tag and the noise they make ripping up the carpet and tearing up the stairs would make you think bowling balls have legs and they are coming after you.  They are wild freaks and every now and then one of those creeps will bang into a piece of furniture and things will calm down real fast.  I'm pretty sure the youngest has brain damage because she acts just a little more stupid than the others and has a dumb vacuous look in her eyes when she does her galloping.  I know it's game over when I hear the sound of a door jamb being sprung.  What annoys me the most is when the cats decide to use our bed as their proving grounds when we are enjoying our morning coffee and watching the news.  Or worse, when we sit at the kitchen table eating (anything) the cats will lose all sense of boundaries and this wild hair will compel them to leap onto any available surface and scatter newspapers and dishware recklessly in their quest for immediate energy release.  Our pathetic waving arms as they speed across rooms in breathless abandon have no impact on their ninja efforts to reject gravity or sprout wings.  I don't have any good video of this crazy action because as soon as it begins, it ends.  It's like a whirlwind of feline devastation, so keep your arms and hands to yourself.  But most of you cat lovers have witnessed this wonder yourselves and won't be strangers to this freakout.  I have included a link to a YouTube video of one of my favorite series of cat attacks, etc.  I am sure most of them originated with a wild hair.  It's not rabies, it's just cat frenzy and so fun to point and laugh, as long as you're not a victim of their bizarre aggression.  Hope you like it!

Crazy Cat Video


Click Here to see YouTube Crazy Cat VideoCrazy Cat Video

You've Been Gone FOREVER!!

I've read studies about animals that have a "sixth sense" about their owners approaching home, even when they aren't immediately visible or audible.  For instance, if a homeowner has been away for hours a dog or cat may wait impatiently at the window or on their familiar cushion but for no apparent reason, ears perk and this loyal animal will run to the door and expectantly sit with eager anticipation of their loved one making their entrance.  I am no stranger to this phenomena as my own three cats often come greet me at the door when I arrive home and since I know how lazy they are, and how distant their beddy-byes and sunspots are, they may have had to amble at least five or ten feet when I opened the door.  How is this possible?  I know that this can be explained in different ways.  Obviously, one may argue there is a habitual response in the behavior of the owner and the animal and the arrival times do not vary much and the pet is merely responding out of a pattern of learned behavior.  We could also assume that there is some kind of response from another person within the home that tips the pets off to the approaching owner.  Maybe they even have such a strong sense of smell that the owner's arrival is something we underestimate in terms of what we've already studied in the senses of dogs and cats.

Or MAYBE, our animals are extraterrestrials.  Haha.  I kid.  I wanted to make sure you were still reading.

What is most amazing is that one of my cats is holding my slippers, the other brings me a newspaper, and the third one is bringing me a drink.  This is outrageous and I think deserves special recognition.  Can anyone else brag about THEIR cat doing this??  All my dog-owner friends get barks and jumped on. Occasionally I will go to a friends house and the dog will come and sniff me in such a private and intimate way that I have to step back and say, "Excuse me!  Have we MET?!!"  Of course we may have, but this seems to have no reflection on the manners of the dog, or the owner, as I am being probed by a wet nose and I slap it away as gently and as politely as possible.  (I need to mention, I am being polite in only slapping a dog's face away from my crotch--but some people do get offended if you push the dog's nose away!  "Oh, they must smell your pet!"  Really?  That's not where I keep it...duh)  I think I may just need to purchase some armor in the future before I arrive at a dog-lover's home to avoid being violated.  Some dogs are much more well-behaved and will only bark at you until you acknowledge them and then they run away and scoff at you in private.

Dogs, I must say, are much more enthusiastic hosts than cats.  They are genuinely excited to see you arrive.  Most of the time you can tell because of all the noise and body language.  If you had to measure a cat's excitement at a guests arrival, I'm not sure you could find a scale that measured that low. I have one or two cats that do greet guests, but it's only to sniff their fingers or pants leg to see if they brought any fresh fish.  Most of the time they run away as if they heard the vacuum cleaner.



You know they don't REALLY bring me all these luxury items when I come home (but you didn't buy that for a minute, did you?)  What they bring are these dramatic and exaggerated expressions of starvation, a little irritation for being awoken, but for the most part gratitude for my arrival.  Because, naturally, even if they were fed a mere hour ago, they think it's chow time again.  So there will be some disappointment when they realize I'm unpacking groceries, or making phone calls, or sitting down.  But one cat or another will usually forgive me enough to come curl up next to me and shed volumes of fur onto the furniture to reassure me that it's going to be all right and they can endure their hardship just a little longer and sense it's coming sooner rather than later.  These are incredibly intuitive creatures, after all.