Smelly Fingers

Finger-sniffing.  Let's admit it. We all do it.  What I'm referring to is the royal ritual we must engage in to approach your standoffish feline at the moment of introduction. 

"David, this is Mr. Pringles.  Mr Pringles, this is HISS hiss hisssssss!" 

What just happened here?  You guessed it.  Your friend David either just had a new smile carved onto his face by Mr. Pringles or shreds of cat fur went spinning in the air as kitty spun in a frantic and neurotic attempt to escape the questionable intentions of David.  And why??  Because David, what a PUTZ, didn't know about the FINGER SNIFF!!  Literally everyone who knows and worships their cats realizes you NEVER approach a cat hands up as if you have the nerve to TOUCH them first...you must let them sniff your fingers, preferably the back of your hand, as if to say, "Yes, I am not worthy to touch you but I would like to become acquainted with your human."

You probably wonder how did this evolutionary chain of events occur?  Why all the fuss over a simple greeting?  Let's imagine the probable first meeting of the very first human and cat who ever domesticated each other.

HUMAN CHILD:  Look! Oh Egyptian mother!  I see an exotic lion cub licking itself on the sand.  May I touch it?
HUMAN MOTHER:  (warily eyeballing this mutant creature but weighing her options)  Of course you may!  Just make sure you don't smell like breakfast or else it might want to eat you!
HUMAN TEENAGER:  HAHAHA you ate crocodile for breakfast!  I hope it bites your fingers off!
HUMAN CHILD:  waaaaahhhhhhh!
HUMAN MOTHER:  Now look what you've done!  Little Tootsandpheromones is crying!!
HUMAN TEENAGER:  I'LL do it....just look.  If I walk very slowly...hey!  It likes me...it wants to smell my hand.  Can we keep it?

(hours later...)

HUMAN CHILD: Egyptian Mommy!  Look what we did to the pretty little lion!  We put eye makeup on it and it's sitting on Daddy's throne.  Now Daddy is afraid to touch it because it hisses like a snake!  Isn't that funny??
HUMAN MOTHER:  Did you tell your father to let it sniff his fingers?
HUMAN CHILD:......

So you can see as I have so very accurately and historically put things into perspective, 1) cats like to wear eye makeup and sit on thrones, and 2) they won't eat you if you let them sniff your fingers.

Still not convinced?  OK.  When is the last time you were able to touch YOUR OWN CAT without showing it you had nothing in your hands first?  Don't you ever feel as if your cat may be working for some type of security detail because of the lack of trust it shows in your open palms?  I cannot just pat my cats on the head without them jerking away and looking at me as if I didn't bring my permission slip first.  It doesn't apply if the cat is already sitting on you--in this case the animal has already deemed you worthy of holding its bottom, so the head is no big deal.  But just go ahead and approach a cat head-to-head and make eye contact and just wait and see what happens.  Either the cat will bail out and run away from the discomfort of the intimate stare, it will approach you with interest but still duck when that hand comes palm first, OR it will look at you disdainfully and wait for you to approach it.  In which case you still have to let the kitty sniff you.

I'd be very interested to know if I'm the only one who has such skeptical kitties and perhaps they all think I'm a serial cheater. They imagine every time I leave the house I'm going off to be with other cats.  "She's back?  Sniff her hands to make sure she doesn't smell like some strange pussycat.  She okay?  Stand down."  I get to live another day and no one eats my toes while I sleep.

You have won a scratch behind my ears!