The Wild Hair

You spooked me!!

Ready for action!

The Flying Squirrel

We have an expression in our home for our cats when they start galloping around the house like horses with their tails in the air and their eyes all wild and haunted as if they are being chased by demons.  We say they have a "burr up their butt" which isn't a very delicate expression, but obviously there is something wrong with these animals because they are wildly running amok as if something just bit them as they tear along the wood floors uselessly like cartoon characters trying to get traction.   There is usually just a few reasons for the panic:  1)  The cat has just left a 20% deposit of their body weight in the litter box and is trying to escape the odor before they could take the blame, 2) it is being chased by the hounds of hell, OR 3) it is practicing kitty parkour.  How else can you explain the cat in front of me who thinks she can hold up a door frame, staring at the ceiling with her ears back and wide eyes jumping up and down and then scurrying away making squirrel noises? Most often it's the 20% deposit, and the "burr" is no longer in the cat's butt, if you will.  Personally, if I lost that much weight every time I visited the bathroom I probably would run around with a little more zip in my step too.  When I go to clean up after these furry bums, I am quite impressed with their intestinal prowess. However, we all know that cats have very inflated egos so if they could see how uncool all this weird sprinting looked, they would calm down and stroll around and leave whatever crime scene they just created with much more dignity.  If you ask me, this act is the human equivalent of running around with a piece of toilet paper stuck to their shoe or their skirt tucked into their waistband.  That's embarrassing. We all know what's just happened.  Better to be proud and walk around with some pride after that achievement if you ask me.  It reminds me of that one guy in the office who walks around with the newspaper tucked under his arm and announces where he's going with no shame.  The worst part for me is that this cat is like a red flag galloping around my house alarming me that there is a ticking time bomb in my home.  I guess the only consolation is it's better than not knowing about it, right?  Whip out the Febreeze and try not to gag.

Occasionally, our younger cats will chase each other around the house and dart around playing tag and the noise they make ripping up the carpet and tearing up the stairs would make you think bowling balls have legs and they are coming after you.  They are wild freaks and every now and then one of those creeps will bang into a piece of furniture and things will calm down real fast.  I'm pretty sure the youngest has brain damage because she acts just a little more stupid than the others and has a dumb vacuous look in her eyes when she does her galloping.  I know it's game over when I hear the sound of a door jamb being sprung.  What annoys me the most is when the cats decide to use our bed as their proving grounds when we are enjoying our morning coffee and watching the news.  Or worse, when we sit at the kitchen table eating (anything) the cats will lose all sense of boundaries and this wild hair will compel them to leap onto any available surface and scatter newspapers and dishware recklessly in their quest for immediate energy release.  Our pathetic waving arms as they speed across rooms in breathless abandon have no impact on their ninja efforts to reject gravity or sprout wings.  I don't have any good video of this crazy action because as soon as it begins, it ends.  It's like a whirlwind of feline devastation, so keep your arms and hands to yourself.  But most of you cat lovers have witnessed this wonder yourselves and won't be strangers to this freakout.  I have included a link to a YouTube video of one of my favorite series of cat attacks, etc.  I am sure most of them originated with a wild hair.  It's not rabies, it's just cat frenzy and so fun to point and laugh, as long as you're not a victim of their bizarre aggression.  Hope you like it!

Crazy Cat Video


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